The Salt Bum

Another big summer action movie opened last weekend, and it has officially become the screenbum’s second favorite movie of the season. Angelina Jolie has come back big time.


There aren’t many women in Hollywood that could pull off a role like this, but Angelina is awesome. The role of Salt was originally going to go to Tom Cruise, but Cruise decided to drop out and do the recent bomb Knight and Day. This would have been a totally different movie if Cruise decided to stick with it, but boy, I am glad that he didn’t. The role was rewritten for a woman, and Angelina stepped in.
A Russian spy enters the CIA office to make a confession, and states that Jolie’s character Evelyn Salt is a Russian spy as well. From there Salt goes on a Jason Bourne type escapade to clear her name and save her husband. It is definitely a roller coaster ride of unbelievable action and stunts, but Angelina sells it, and sells it hard. She even did most of her own stunts throughout the movie. The script flows well, and the director does a great job of keeping the film moving so that when the surprise ending comes to fruition it is a revelation that makes you say, “I knew it all along”, but you know you didn’t.

Liev Schrieber is solid as always, as Salt’s CIA confidant that is trying to bring her back in to help her in her quest for the truth, and Chiwetel Ejiofor a counter intelligence agent that has no interest in finding out the truth. His only focus is her capture, but soon realizes that there is a lot more to the situation then anyone originally realized.
Considering all the crap that Hollywood has put out this summer it nice to finally see another movie other then Inception that lives up to it’s hype.

The Inception Bum

This has been one of the worst summer movie seasons ever, but now there is finally a movie that can help salvage it.

Inception will blow your mind; it is like Dreamscape on steroids. If you have been a fan of Christopher Nolan’s scripts in the past you will know that this ride, just like his others, will not be a smooth one, but it will be one you enjoy at every turn. It is also Leonardo Dicaprio’s best movie since The Departed.
Inception is about a dream thief, Dom Cobb (Leo) that needs to do one last job to get his life back. After it goes wrong Dom and his partner, Arthur, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt (great as always), are put into a position to accept the original target’s (Ken Wantanabe’s Saito) proposal to implant an idea into a soon to die mogul’s son’s mind to get him to split up the company and prevent a monopoly. For a thief to do something like this is like breaking into a bank to put the money back. Arthur doesn’t think it can be done, but Dom knows it can. He needs to put together a team to get the job done, and goes to see his father (Michael Caine), a college professor, to find an architect to help build the world needed to work in. Dom’s father introduces him to Ariadne (Ellen Page), and she takes to this new world of endless possibilities immediately. The rest of the cast is rounded out by Cillian Murphy, Tom Berenger, Tom Hardy and Marion Cotillard. Each one of them is excellent.

I would love to tell you more, but I also don’t want to give out too much of the plot. Simply following the storyline is a mind bending roller coaster ride. A movie like this could have been extremely complicated, but Nolan does a great job of putting the scenes together in way that seems like it should be confusing, but you will able to be follow it at every quick turn. You’ve probably seen the trailers, so you know it looks cool, but it’s the script that really makes it a success.

Christopher Nolan’s past scripts have been nothing short of intriguing as well. It all started with Memento, when we got to follow around an amnesiac’s quest to find his wife’s killer, then he gave us Insomnia, about a serial killer in Alaska, followed by both of the recent Batman movies (Batman Begins and The Dark Knight).

In a season filled with sub-par schlock Nolan and Dicaprio has finally given us a smart, absorbing two hours and twenty minutes of eye candy. Many are already considering it to be the first movie of the year that might get a best picture nomination, and I am glad to say that I am one of the many.

The Predators Bum

I hate when some critics go on and on when they try to explain their dislike for a movie. So I’m just going simply say Predators sucked. I was actually very excited for this movie to come out. I know that a lot of people do not like sequels, but I’m a big fan of them. Sure majority of them never measure up to the original, but it’s always nice to see the continuing stories of some of your favorite characters. This was not one of them.

I understand that the casting of Adrian Brody as the main protagonist in the movie was an attempt at getting away from the normal thoughts of what a character like that should be, but it just didn’t work. Brody is an Oscar winner for best actor, but this is definitely not his genre, no matter how good an actor he is. I tried to believe it, I really did, but no matter how many smoldering gun toting moments he had on screen, or his still too skinny weirdly ripped physique, he just didn’t sell me. Some of the other actors up for this role were Josh Brolin, Freddy Rodriguez, and Milo Ventamiglia.

This was a Robert Rodriguez production and that is what made this an exciting ticket for me. He actually wrote the script 15 years ago when he was working on Desperado, but the studio thought that it was going to be too expensive to make. The movie will be considered a success considering its modest 40 million dollar budget. It made 25 million its first weekend. He actually considers it a continuing story of the first two Predator films, and has no relation to the Predator vs. Aliens movies.
There weren’t high expectations going into the theater, but there were some of a decent action movie. In the original, and even the sequel you felt bad for some of the characters when they got slaughtered, but I found myself actually rooting for the predators in this one. The only cool thing about the movie was the few references to the original, and the best part of the whole thing was trailer for Machete that was previewed before the movie even started.

Topher Grace was just alright, but still hasn’t lived up to the hype that he built up after leaving That 70’s Show, and Laurance Fishburne is so much better then the role that he was given. Fishburne’s time on screen didn’t even live up to the credit that he received in the commercials for this.
So, to sum up the obvious, Predators could, and should have been so much better. Don’t waste your money at the theater, but maybe if you’re a fan it’s worth a rental in a few months. Otherwise just wait a year until it’s on cable, or even a couple of years before it’s on network. Either way you’re not missing much.

The Burn Bum

One of the best shows on television that so many people are still not watching is Burn Notice.

Burn Notice stars Jeffery Donovan as Michael Westen, a former American spy that has had his spy status revoked, and continuously searches for who burned him, why, and a way to get back into the spy game. Donovan plays Westen perfectly. He has a heart of gold, and a grin to match, but don’t let the grin fool you. He is always the smartest guy in the room; he is constantly underestimated by the people he comes up against.

To help pass the time while he continues his search, Michael Westen and his partners Fiona and Sam help innocent victims around Miami. What else could an ex-spy do when unemployed? The way he meticulously explains how to accomplish each feat makes you feel like you can do it too. That’s half the fun of the show is that it makes you feel like you are a part of it. Michael Westen can use anything around him to get him out of whatever jam he is in. He is with out a doubt the new age MacGyver.

Gabrielle Anwar plays Fiona an ex-IRA militant that has an ongoing romance with Michael, and would do just about anything for him. She is as hot on the show as she is a badass. Anwar actually does an awesome job of making a beautiful woman in a bikini seem believable with a shotgun (no easy feat), and I’m not just saying that because I’m a guy.

A huge part of the show is one of the most under-used actors in Hollywood, everybody’s favorite campy character actor Bruce Campbell. A few years have past since his breakout in the Evil Dead series, and it is so great to see him back on screen on a regular basis. Bruce’s character Sam is a fun loving ex-Navy Seal, and Michael’s best friend. He has a smart-ass answer for everything, and would do almost anything for a six pack.

The show is rounded out by Sharon Gless, Michael’s chain smoking mom. She understands Michael’s situation and career. She doesn’t like it, but accepts it because there have been way too many years without her son while he was off on top secret military missions. Gless brings amazing warmth to the show, even if she pulls no punches when trying to get her way, or her point across. She recently received a well deserved Emmy nomination for the role.

One of the biggest characters is the city of Miami itself. Burn Notice’s backdrop shows the city in an amazing light, and is one of the few shows on television to film entirely on location. The colors of the city, and sunny skies of Miami adds so much to the tone of the whole series. I couldn’t even imagine what the show would have been like if was set in the original planned city of Newark, NJ.

Like I said before Burn Notice is hands down one of the best shows on television, and it is still is not watched by the masses. Sure, it is the top rated show on basic cable, but it beats the hell out of the top overall drama on t.v. The Mentalist, and should have the same amount of viewers. There was even a SNL skit entitled “What is Burn Notice?” Another perfect thing about the show is that even though there is the underlying spy searching storyline intertwined in the series anybody can start watching it at anytime and love it. If you watch it already, well then you know what I’m talking about. If not, then trust me and set it up on your DVR, it well worth it.

The Disney Bum

The screenbum has returned from vacation and even though I didn’t really watch anything on t.v. I have decided to talk about my visit to the magical world of Disney.   It does somewhat follow my screenbum criteria considering the fact that there isn’t on ride or attraction that doesn’t have some kind of video that coincides with it.  I went along with my wife and her sister, and we actually had a great time.  The attractions at the parks we visited ranged from the mundane to the magical.  Nonetheless, we had an amazing time, despite seeing all the big sloppy tourists stuffing those oversized turkey legs down their throats.  I’m not going to list every single thing we saw, but I will tell you about a few.

We started the day at Disney’s Hollywood Studios.  Our first stop was Star Tours, a Star Wars flight simulator.  The excitement of getting our day started was energizing, and the Star Wars environment was miraculous.  While we were waiting in line there was a kid behind us that said, “Daddy I’m scared, is this ride scary?”  His Dad replied no.  We entered the chamber and strapped ourselves in.  The lights went down and the whole compartment began to move as if we were in the X-fighter.  It was just ok until we heard the same little kid behind us yell, “This is awesome”.    That made it so much better.  The once scared kid was sad when it was all over, but we weren’t.

Our next stop happened to be one of the best experiences we had all day.  Muppet-Vision 3-D brought me back to my childhood.  The movie was a blast, and it was some of the best 3-D I’ve ever seen, but it was walking in to the theater that really brought me back.  If you ever watched The Muppet Show when you were a kid you would recognize the theater it took place in, in a hot second.  It was a blast from the past that put a childlike grin on my face immediately.  The thing is that you didn’t have to watch the show 30 years ago to fall in love with the Muppets again.

The greatest thing at Hollywood Studios was also one of the best rides I’ve been on in years.  It was the Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster starring Aerosmith.  I wanted to go on it based upon a recommendation from a friend, and boy I am glad I did.  I had no idea what to expect, but once you enter the chamber and see the coaster car take it’s passengers out of the room like a bullet getting shot out of a gun you know it’s going to be an adrenaline filled trip.  We strap ourselves in, keep our heads back (as directed), and before we know it we go from stand still to 60 in seconds.  Loops, twists, and turns begin before you can think, and it’s done in the pitch-blackness.  There are some lights that represent the streets of L.A. and a rockin’ soundtrack by Aerosmith that goes along with it.  It was, hands down, the best ride of the entire day.

We then jumped on a shuttle bus to the once miraculous EPCOT.  We started off with the ride inside the iconic silver ball called Spaceship Earth.  The entire thing was laughable, and extremely slow.  Especially since the ride got stuck for 10 minutes.  By the time the tour through time ended I could understand why it was cutting edge 30 years ago when it was built, but it is completely out of date now.  Even the ride attendant told me that E.P.C.O.T. used to stand for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow, but the higher ups know how dated it is so they have now just dubbed it the single word of EPCOT.

The rest of the park consisted of tours that were drawn out and absurd.  We even walked around the whole park, and if it wasn’t for our ability to laugh about it all, and a whole lot of alcohol then our time at EPCOT would have been considered a complete waste of time.  Sure, there were a couple of things that made us say, oh that’s cool, but not enough to give any of us a reason to ever go back there.  We did however redub the whole experience PoopCot.

Finally we took the monorail to hit the anchor of the whole Disney experience, The Magic Kingdom.  We made a B-line for what’s known to some as the most exciting ride in the kingdom, Space Mountain.  After waiting in-line for almost an hour, and a ride on another indoor roller coaster I realized that I understood why it used to be the most talked about ride around, but I just saw it as Rock-n-Rollin Coaster light. 

We then hit a few of the famous rides, It’s a Small World, Haunted Mansion, and Pirates of the Caribbean, all were charming in there own ways.  Eventually the sun went down and the summertime Disney Electrical Parade began.  The parade consisted of all of your favorite Disney characters.  Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, Pluto, Cinderella, Snow White, all seven Dwarfs, Pinnochio, and pretty much any one of the others you can think of all danced up main street or rode on one of the light covered floats.  The parade was fun, but not as much fun as the faces of all the kids watching it.  Once the parade ended everyone reserved their spots for the big nightly million dollar fireworks spectacular over Cinderella’s Castle.  It really is the cherry on top of a wonderful day.  The fireworks were just as amazing of any of the New York Macy’s shows I’ve seen over the years. 

Before we left we hit a couple more rides including the Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor, an improvised interactive hysterical show that gave us some of the biggest smiles of the day.  We did some shopping at the over priced merchandise shops and then made our way out of the park.

All in all we had an absolutely amazing day, and I do have to thank one of my best friends in the world for it.  You know who are (Zabazoo).  Disneyworld is still too big to do in just a day or even two, but I think we did a great job of hitting the mainstays.  Next time I would love to checkout the Wide World of Sports, both of the water parks, and the Animal Kingdom.  The despite Epcot, Disney World is truly a magical place that will make every kid’s imagination go wild, and every adult forget about all the crap in their lives and get to relive the carefree lives of their youth.  I think that is exactly what Walt Disney had in mind when he created this extraordinary world. And for that, I thank him, we all should.